Sometimes i wonder,
What am I supposed to do,
Why am I alive,
what is love,
Who my trusted friends are.

I don't know.
a common answer to all questions.
I don't know.

I wanna know the answers right now.
But i know it's not gonna happen.

I want to stay happy,
Being surrounded by my fav ppl.

But somehow,
I just wanna be left alone.

I'm soo used to being alone,
That i prefer being a lone wolf.

All my life,
I've been alone.
Facing challenges, tough times and problems by myself.

Now,
I don't feel a need to have anyone in my life.
I can live life solo.

But then,
it feels so empty to have a world with only me in it.

I swear i don't know what i need.
See.
Same answer.
I don't know.

I want to remember many things.
but i can't seem to remember anything.

i want to know what's love,
But it didn't happen.

I don't know what to feel anymore.
seriously,
I don't know.

God.
Don't fuck my mind.
Don't stain my heart.
Don't break my trust.
Don't make my life any harder.
Don't let my sadness show.
I don't want to go through that lonely times again,
when I see;
friends as foes,
parents as enemies,
strangers as villains
and
God as the devil.

Like I said,
"I'll blog only when I'm free."
So now,
I'm free!
For today only though. :(

Since I didn't blog for quite long,
this blog is outdated.
So lemme summarized the events that happened.

(1) Finished paying my fines on 8 April. <3
(2) Somehow, I LIKE a certain someone soooo much.
(3) Fucking heartaches strikes again in my life. FUCK this feeling.
(4) Sch starts at 15 April 2010.
(5) Appointed FYP leader. Fuck this too.
(6) Fun times with my Chinese bros.
(7) Always having fun with my malay bros.
(8) Currently, have 1 tgf and 2 ptgfs. teehehe.

That's all I guess.
I know that I don't have a good memory.
That's why I either blog and take pics to remember the good times.

Yea anyway,
heartaches suck.
& It started on the eve of my birthday.
I don't know whether it's good or bad.
Either way,
I know that she doesn't like me at all.
So why the false hope?
She can just say that she don't like me and that's it.
But nooo.
She said I don't know.
Don't make my life hard please.
Either reject or approve me up front.
Don't leave me hanging on.
Don't give me false hope.
FUCK.
FUCK.

I don't want to relive those hurtful moments again.
Why ryan?
Why must you like her?
You know that love will kill you.
How the fuck should I know?
My heart just DID!!

Fuck all this.
When will my life ever go right for me?
I feel pissed off everyday even though I'm smiling.
Looks like no one bothers to save me.
Well what do I care?
Like I expect much from any of you.
I don't expect anything much from my life.

Oh yea,
Zimah have a safe trip to krabbi yeaa?
Buy for me souvenirs! :D
Giraffe peeps.
Sheesha soon kayyy?
:D

Wassup faggots.
Like fucking finally I have the time to blog after 2 months of being dead.

It's fucking 4am now & I am trying my best to sleep.

Every time I'm doing my best, I tend to FAIL.
why uh?
---------------------------------------------------------------
FAKE & GAY answer
"God": Child, you're still too young to do your best.
Me: =.=...
---------------------------------------------------------------
REAL & HURTFUL answer
I seriously don't know why.
It sucks.
The feeling sucks.
Just imagine you do something with all your heart and you spend long hours doing it.
Just to FUCKING fail.
&%*%&^$&%&&^*(&*(^*^$%#@$ lah!

Fuck that.


Now,
on to the bright side,

Me2: Wait! There's a bright side?

Me: I guess so?

Me2: When? What? How?

Me: I got a $517.20 salary this month.

Me2: But you fucking left $200 or less in a week?

Me: Umm. I blew it off to have some fun.

Me2: What fun? Treating your friends? Paying your fucking fines?

Me: Yah. Isn't it fun to do that?

Me2: You bet it is. (Sarcasm is in the air)


Nyahaha.
Seriously though,
I paid around $150 for fines.
Treated my family and good bros food, (felt GOOD for a while)
Packet of ciggs for myself.
And there's hardly any left to survive for the next few weeks.

$200 left.
what the hell can I do with it?
I want to buy clothes.
BUT I want to save it for my incoming trips & PARAMORE concert.
Life sucks with this debt and having no one to turn to.

Anyway,
I'll try to hang on to that fading patience I have right now.
I seriously feel pissed whenever I think of myself.
%^&* me.

So where is the bright side I'm going to talk about?
Is there any?

There is.
& It goes all out for my bros/babes.
Thanks for hanging tight with me through thick and thin.
May all the love & laughters cure our pain in this forsaken world.

okok!
I lied!
It's been 14+ weeks since I blogged!
But whatever!
:D

These past few weeks were challenging.
Why?
(1) Got fined $500.
(2) Family relatives look at me as if I'm some kind of criminal.
(3) No money to enjoy life.
(4) My heartache came once again. Seriously fuck love.
(5) Wanted to come to class but no motivation.
(6) PP ASSESSMENT.

All these are fucking up my mood.
But still I am the cheerful faggot you all know.
I keep things to myself rather than sharing this burden to someone else.
I enjoy being a lone wolf.
It makes the meaning of "friends" a much more enjoyable experience.
Seriously yes. :)

=====================================================================================
Yea,
I got fined on the day when my class had an outing to Sentosa.
& I got caught before the outing even started!
Fucked up.
But still I managed to keep a positive mindset and had fun.
$500 is nothing compared to having fun.
=====================================================================================
PP assessment was a laughing but stressful moment.
The advisors keep bombarding me with questions.
But I managed to answer them so I think it went well.
Also managed to laugh with them during the presentation,
which makes that period a bit less stressful.
Darren looked fucking smart lah!
But still he scratch like no tomorrow.
LOL.
=====================================================================================
I managed to get a damn job!
Like finally!
Got it after a month of intensive interviews and job hunting.
So now I'm currently working at Giraffe,
and it is quite a pleasant place to work at.
The atmosphere and the people there are great.
And I still have difficulties being in the clique.
Soon, I won't worry about money shortages!
Can shop, eat and enjoy life to the fullest!
:D
=====================================================================================
Just in case if you are wondering why I didn't explain some of my challenges,
I find it useless to say out since what's done is done.
Life is about being hard.
Like a saying goes,
"The sun will shine after the rain"
So yea,
this thing keeps playing into my mind every time I faced problems,
and I found the hard times worth it after I get the rewards.

So people.
Keep hanging on.
Put up a brave smile.
And tackle all the challenges you face in life.
:)

6 weeks has passed since the second semester starts.
9 more weeks and it's holidays again.
2 more weeks to PP assessment. (Fucking troublesome)
3 more days to my cute lil sister's birthday.
2 more days to either JB, Sentosa with my current class or go clubbing at Zirca.
1 more day to IT for SCM UT.
5 more hours till RJ deadline.

Now tell me,
how am I supposed to answer this?
RJ question for today.
List the first (1st) and the tenth (10th) reason for why you should not be awarded an “A” for today’s grade.

If I answer truthfully,
I won't get A.
If I don't answer truthfully,
I also won't get A.
So what the hell lah.

Furthermore!
I bought a Muse security pass for $9! :D



Nice right Nice right?
Don't jealous ah.
Haha!

I also got to know Muse is coming to Singapore on 3rd Feb 2010!
The tickets will be on sale on the 16th Nov 09.
I will confirm buy it asap!
Woots~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
& another thing,
I feel damn lonely nowadays.
I'm so fucking quiet now.
Or was I always that quiet?
Hard to believe that I can't clique with anyone in class yet.
Language barrier ah!
My past few semesters classes always speak in English man.
Damn it.
Wished that I learned how to speak mandarin sooner. :(

I miss my E44Bs dearly every Wednesday.
Seriously.
:(

& yea,
Since last 2 weeks,
I made a new bro, Zhen Wei.
So it's like a love triangle between 3 guys.
RA, PW & ZW.
I wanted a W too but I don't have any W in my name!
Sucks.
Been hanging out with them.
Playing Pool, smoking, jackass-ing.

I've missed 2 trainings from IG, thanks to my bros.
I miss my trekkers not the trainings.
haha!
Who would ever miss trainings?
Muscle-bounded brain freaks for sure & it's not me.
I'm short, hot and sexy. :)

Oh yah!
Fuck all the jobs that I applied.
Didn't even bother to reply.
I really really need a damn job to support myself! :(

Guess that's all for now.
I'll update at least once every 4 working days.
haha!

Be yourself,
Believe in yourself,
Be mine, (Eh no!)
& have a nice day. :D

I think you all may have noticed that I skipped round 5.
If not, you're dumb. :D

I have nothing much to say as this week is dry.
Just pure lessons and going home straight after class.
Never do anything much & just worrying about the late pp approval.

Ohoh!
There is one surprise.
Alvin came on tuesday!
The E44Bs were so shocked.
Well who wouldn't after not seeing him for the rest of last semester.
haha.

well.
that's about it.
unless you want me to elaborate about me being a mat rep hanging out under a block.
haha!

Hope you all had a great week,
wish mine was too,
and Happy Halloween to the party people. :D

P.S.: Seriously I wanna type more but there's nothing much. haha.